•くらやみ • S Ë C R Ë † • {If you could live forever, what would you live for?}

In my world it's different.

思いもよらない夢を
なぜだろう
見てる　毎日
君のことはもう
忘れたはずなのに
この胸に止めどなく溢れてく

君のすべてを誰よりも　そう
こんなに想っているのに
また今日もひとり目が覚めたなら
叶わない夢　知りながら
君に　溺れてく

今夜眠りにつく頃　そっと
私の夢で会いに来て
数えきれない夜をそう君と
過ごせたなら　もう何も
いらなかったのに...

会いたい　会えない
気持ちと　現実が
目の前が滲み歪んで見えるよ
どうかお願い　もう泣かないで
心迷ってしまうけど

† あたし †

. Beatrice .
. Michiyo .
. LEO .

♥ Music & Art
♥ Fasion Design

My other sites =D
My Deviantart [3eatrice]
My Tumblr [3eatrice]

† ゆめ †

Get into NAFA.
Do well for DBA.
Get a Grand Piano.
Learn how to drive.
Create a Master Piece.

Saturday, June 30, 2007 /1:00 PM

Passed away Peacefully on the 29th June 2007

Your memories will always lie inside my heart

May God Bless You Always

♥ みちよ

/9:45 AM

Confusing Physics formulas .... can't really understand the second part of it. Mr Chan's way of teaching is completely different from Mr Goh. I hope I can catch up within 2 weeks ...

Had English remedial lessons later on ... We practice our Oral which will be on 10th July 2007. Time pass by real fast, a year pass by like a day ... there's just too much things to do in life. Living in Singapore is just so stressful.

♥ みちよ

Monday, June 25, 2007 /5:29 AM

Today's the last day of school holidays, and I don't think this is even called a holiday for me, what kind of holiday is this !?!? I can't even find enough days to sit a side and study by myself or with some friends ...
Went back to school the past few days, was so tired, unable to wake up the right time a few days ... was almost late once ... well I did learn some things and refreshed my memories too, however, did not really concentrated well on the last day of remedial ... Everyone rejoiced when we were told that there was no humanities lessons after lunch. Everyone dashed out of the classroom, including me ^^ well not actually, just walked pretty fast.

Had more lessons again on Saturday ... I have no more brain juice in my head any longer ... give me a break !!! But I can't stop now ... there's no other choice for me is there?

Met up with Shan Shan yesterday at Plaza Singapura to study, we started at around 11.45am and ended at 3pm ... can't believe we studied for that long la ... I still had the feeling that I'm not studying enough ... Walked around the mall and took a look at some electronic items and later to Daiso .... bought some stuffs and left the place at 5 plus for home ...
After dinner Mum, bro and I went to Northpoint to grab some stationary items and my school socks, don't wanna get caught with wear out socks now right?
Finally reached home with all of my assessment books too at around 10 plus ... took a short shower after that, I started to wrap my books with the plastic sheets ... I was kind of distracted with Arabelle and her French movie on TV in our room. Isn't it suppose to be for adults instead? hmm... nevermind ... at least it is save to watch for a brain like hers :P

Can't really sleep well these few days too ... just don't have the mood to sleep early somehow ... slept at 12.45am this morning and woke up so late ... 8am? wanted to do so many things this morning, but woke up late, hate waking up late. hmm... I'm resting now, well kind of ... listening to music to relax my mind ... Just finish revising SS and doing some math worksheets ...

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Pretty happy these few days too, guess what ?!?! I finally found my long lost friend! Oh gosh, I'm just so glad about it! Let's celebrate man! Yatta! Listening to her voice just gave me all the comfort I needed ... Thank God for not giving up on me and Yes to alfrodo too, for helping me out a lot ... Thanks man! Must met her up soon ... a point in my wish list is now done ... ^^
Karen you won't know how much I really missed you in my life ... I'm just so glad to have finally find you again .....................................

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Okay gotta go and practice piano now ... Ja Ne!

♥ みちよ

Monday, June 18, 2007 /12:50 PM

いつものように一人帰りカギをさしドアを開けるとおかえり」と君が出迎えてくれるなんて
淡い期待抱いて

傷つくのを怖れいつも目を背け逃げてきたけど街で君の香り感じる度知らずに振り向いた自分がいる
見えてない答えがあるとすれば消えてない君の優しい腕と「好きだよ」頬にそっとキスをして永遠を誓い合ったあの夜

大きなキャンバスに二人光りの粒散りばめてさたくさん計画立てた事はもう全部行なうこともなくて

忙しいあまりに空をいつの間にか見なくなってた見上げた星空手が届きそうで涙が止まらないの

見えてない答えがあるとすれば消えてない君とむかえた朝と「好きだよ」胸にそっと抱き寄せて永遠を誓い合ったあの日々

あの時見送った背中声枯らし止めれば良かったの?暗い後悔ばかり幾度となく駆け巡ってくの

見えてない答えがあるとすれば消えてない窓の隙間から見える太陽私の震える肩温めて目を閉じて気づけなかった答え見つけた

♥ みちよ

Thursday, June 14, 2007 /1:06 PM

Today we did a test on 'My learning style' And I'm more on the Visual type.
Visual:
Strengths
1. remember what they read and write
2. enjoys visual projects and presentations
3. can remember diagrams, charts, maps well
4. Understands information best when they SEE it
Potential pitfall
1. easily distracted by the surrounding sights eg. people moving around
Learning Strategies
1. write things that you want to remember down
2. look at the person who is speaking to you
3. try to work in a quiet place
4. ask politely to repeat something you missed
5. most visual learner learn best alone
6. rewriting
7. use colour to highlight main ideas
8. post notes in front of you
9. put desk away from the door and windows
10. use charts, maps, posters, films, videos etc.
No wonder I'm no good in listening examinations ... :s

Got to know different types of fear,
Fear of Failure, Fear of the unknown, Fear of rejection and Fear of the future.
There are still so many fears in me that just can't let go ... Sometimes, its just hard to let go of somethings in my heart and mind. It's difficult to face towards fears and to over come it too.

This class really can't stop talking, their mouths are somehow like the store 7eleven, 24hours, I can't believe it. It made the coach so mad that he went on his knees and begged our class. Oh gosh, I was not able to even glance on him. This is horrible ... 'Hello' some self-discipline please!

I learnt how to face failure and we must have the freedom to fail too. Failures are our teacher, failures are deposits into our personal capital account, failures are feedback for our future. Even though I had failed so many times, I must stand up strong and continue to achieve my goals ...
Plus, I need to learn how to relax well ... Sometimes I can really go overboard in studying ... :s

We enjoyed even more games too ... one of my favourites was forming a circle with 8 pupils in one group, had to had one another hands across each other and just hold it tight and don't let go. The coaches will come towards us and then will try to pull one of us away from our group. Jolin was one of them who got pulled. However, no one was pulled away, some was 180 degrees from the ground ... Hahaha, we sure did had a splendid time together.
We ended the day with a few more games and did some surveys too. I gave each coach a Japanese folded star as a appreciation and thank them so much for all of their advices, especially coach Bary ... Thank you so much for everything ... really! Shaked his hand twice and said good-bye.

What a day! Slept on the bus on my way home, I was too exhausted ...
Oh man ... there's still school tomorrow ... hmm ... Oyasumi nasai!

♥ みちよ

Wednesday, June 13, 2007 /1:25 PM

Wow, this 3 days workshop is sure starting to get more interesting. Yesterday I found out that I was in the S Personality group. These are somethings I need to improve:
-be more open to change
- be more direct in your interactions
- focus on overall goals of the team rather than specific procedures
- deal with confrontation constructively
- develop more flexibility
- increase pace to accomplish goals
- show more initiative
- work at expressing your thoughts, opinions and feelings
Well there are still so many areas I'm weak at ... need to really try to improve my personality.
Today I found out that I'm a Catalyst for my leveraging on Social intelligence. Among Catalyst, Fuel and Charcoal, Catalyst is the highest ranking position however, I don't think I could be in that category because of some reasons ... I'm still a slow learner especially when it comes to Chinese language.
Learnt how to take down notes the quicker and easier way too, guess that I've not been studying the proper way for a long time. Hopefully this will help me do better in my N'levels this year ... Must pass all subjects with great grades! at least 3 distinction.
All of us did some fun games at the atrium too. First was with a partner, mine was Jolin. Both of us were sitting on the ground with both our legs bent and foot tips touching one another, when coach Bary gave us this command, our hands grabbed on tight and help one another to get up without touching the ground and falling down. This continued to 3 people each group and lastly 4 persons in each group. We failed twice but manage to stand up together in the end. "That's the spirit!" ^^
Can't wait for tomorrow's last day of the workshop, I wonder what will we be doing however, I'm kind of feeling a little tired ... Need to get some rest ... Ja!

♥ みちよ

Tuesday, June 12, 2007 /11:10 AM

Went back to school today for Super High Achievers programme. It reminds me of Super-teen camp by Genius. It's a pretty interesting camp and it really reminded me of what I've learnt in the past and reminds me to look forward towards life.

Everyone else just can't seem to keep quite, that is something that I still don't get it in life. Someone is trying to explain to you so much about life and what you can do to improve yourself better, and the people here just kept on talking and talking ... well can't comment on that too much, there's no point at all.
Skipped breaks and lunch too, I just didn't have the appetite of eating so did Jolin.

When coach Bary asked us to think of a few questions ...
1) Who was the teacher/teachers you like most
2) Who was the teacher/teachers you dislike most
3) Who was your friend/classmate you treasure most
4) Who was your friend/classmate you dislike most

And he called out two name, a girl and a guy.
I was the girl, I got a shock of my life. I was shaking from head to toe... I never like to share about my own personal stuffs to people, especially my past which was terrible to recall ...
I can't think clearly of what I had to say, all of that pressure I had from all of my friends, all of them are waiting for me to say something. There was something inside of me telling me to hurry speak up but my voice just can't be heard.

Finally I manage to say something about the teacher/teachers I like most. Whats worst, Coach Bary asked me another question "Who was your friend/classmate you treasure most and how much impact did this person had on me" The very first person came up my mind was my long lost friend, Karen. It's like, I took up my entire life power just to speak about it, it was just too hard to recall ... And yes, an emotional person like me did sheared tears ... it was just too difficult to tell to others what I had lost. Well don't wanna talk about it again ...

That AVA room was so cold that I shivered from head to toe. When I tried to control my upper body my lower body shivered real badly and my teeth kept on shaking too ... guess that I didn't had any food to keep myself warm nor water which I forgotten to bring. Am I trying to kill myself? :P

Finally I'm at home now, I'm able to rest now ... Oh there is still something I've not done for tomorrow ... Okay gotta go now! JA NE!

♥ みちよ

Monday, June 11, 2007 /2:30 PM

Went out to study together with Michelle in the afternoon after my piano lessons. Went into the nearest Han's outlet to study and revise for Math. After a 2 hours we took a rest, talked and talked, I ordered a Black Forest Cake and Michelle bought a pack of 3 slices of Chocolate marble cake ... the both of us did enjoy the time we had together.
Got back home and had dinner later on ... And continued to watch TV all the way till 11pm ^^

gotta go and sleep now, there is still school tomorrow ... -_-

♥ みちよ

Friday, June 8, 2007 /1:38 PM

Went back to school this morning to do my Art 5 piece coursework, manage to finish up four boards in just two days. Colour, paste, colour and paste ... its tiring ...
Well at least I'm satisfied the productive work I had done and thanks for Ms Ong advices. ^^

Later on, I rushed back home for lunch, had fried Bee Hoon with some other ingredients in it. It's nice, guess that my auntie's cooking is getting better ... but still there are some more areas to improve.

Practice the piano for awhile and finally my dad came back from his lunch with his friends... He brought Arabelle and I to Bras Bash, took a look at Art Friend and later to a music instrument store.
I saw many different kinds of electric guitars, bass, drums and keyboards ... Its my wonderland ^^ somehow ...
Oh and saw the Hello Kitty version too ... reminds me of Zyann ... but the quality of it is bad.
My dad tested a few electric guitars and bass. I was wondering whether he really wanted to buy it cause, those guitars are not cheap, and the amplifier too ... some guitars cost $900 plus and the amplifier at $300 plus and I'm speaking about those good ones like Marshall and Fender.

So finally we decided to buy back a electric guitar, bass guitar, lead guitar amplifier, bass amplifier and two guitar straps...

And now, Let's go Jamming!
Brother plays the drums, Arabelle plays the bass guitar, Father plays the lead guitar and I will play the keyboards and now we present you the "Zhuangs' Band" Hahaha ... ok thats silly ><
Wanna go for further guitar lessons after N'level, hopefully I will have enough time to squeeze guitar lessons with my other plans for the holidays. Need to manage my time properly before I tear myself into two ...

Got back home and heard sreams of my mother ...
"How much did you spent today!"
I told her ... " ermm ... around $2000 plus? " ><
"okay bye bye" I run up to my room as fast as I can ...

okay, wanna rest now, I'm exstusted ... Oyasumi nasai!

♥ みちよ

Monday, June 4, 2007 /3:13 AM

I don't really have anything else to do right now, wanna get away from all study materials for awhile.
Recently I was talking about my Grandma, my aunties, uncles and my cousins in the west, some in Canada and some in America. Wanna visit them someday, miss all of them dearly. Miss Grandma the most, although she might be nanny in the past and kind of suffering from the "Grandma stories" illness ^^ she is still a fragment my memory. She protected me from my playful brother, scolded me for being playful and loved me for whom I am.
When she visited us about 6 - 7 years back, she brought me to Orchard road which I wasn't familiar with yet. We did have a good time, just the both of us ...
At age 6 or 7, auntie rose was just beside me when I woke up. I remembered her giving me lots of Barbie dolls ... Can't remember what happen to it in the end ... :P
When uncle Eddie visited us a year ago together with Karen and Gerald, all of us celebrated Gerald's 31st birthday. Uncle Eddie told me that Grandma missed me ... I was so touched my his words, I felt like crying and being there with her at that moment.
I wonder how are my long lost Japanese relatives look like. I was told that my great grand mother was disowned by her family. Don't really know about their history...
oh well, gotta continue with Zyann's letter ... Ja!

♥ みちよ